Am I a Lesbian?

Noah Berg Photography

I’ve started dating women. Yep, you heard it right, I’ve been going on a bunch of blind lady dates. We get coffee, meet for wine, attend yoga classes, and peruse weekend flea markets. How do I find my ladies? A little app called Bumble, Bumble BFF. Yes, the app I have been dreaming of finally emerged and as soon as I heard, I jumped right on the train to Ladyville and haven’t looked back once.  What is Bumble BFF, you ask? Simple. An app that exists for people to find platonic friendships; no sex, no baggage, just casual friendship. It works similarly to Tinder, the founder of Bumble, Whitney Wolfe, was a co-founder of Tinder (she left after allegedly being sexually harassed by her partners), so you swipe left if you never want to see their face again or right if you think this person could be the future godmother of your child.

I moved to Denver knowing exactly one person, my boyfriend, and he knew one person, me. We had a ball of fun those first couple of weeks, but as weeks turned to months, we  found ourselves longing for friends. I knew it was up to me and me alone to put myself out there and establish a network of people for myself. I hit the jackpot when a hometown girlfriend and I were traveling together and I asked her if she had any remaining girlfriends from college (University of Denver). She said she did, in fact, and a week later I was on my first blind lady date with two girls who are a now a couple of my closest, three years later. Those friendships opened up new friendships and so on…

So why am I looking for friendship if I’m set here in Denver? Simple. I think it’s not only important, but really fun to have an ever growing network of people in my life. Am I really looking for a best friend on Bumble? No, but if I meet someone who I end up hiking with once every six months or someone who becomes an inner circle, every other week friend type, I win. One thing I’ve always treasured, are relationships I’ve had with those whom I have next to nothing in common. Sometimes we end up only associating with people who are so similar to us that we forget there are special people out there who’s paths we may never cross if we only relied on mutual introductions. I was on a tennis team last year, (I didn’t get invited back, yes, a woman my mom’s age Regina George’d me), and one of my favorite things about being on that team was meeting these women who all came from very different backgrounds and lived very different lives, but we all had one thing in common, tennis. I had more fun nights with some of these women than I would have ever imagined, our group ranging in age from 23-65.

So back to dating women. Have you guys ever been on Tinder? I got on it once, looking for a platonic guy friend after a hard breakup, and realizing that all my guy friends in Denver were married to my girlfriends, and ended up with new boyfriend. My one and only Tinder meet up resulted in a freaking boyfriend. Oh Brittany.

Well let me tell you about Tinder and finding guy friends on there, I was HARD on these guys. I wasn’t even looking for a boyfriend and I was so judgy. Like if the thoughts in my head were ever seen by someone… well here’s how it went:

• EW | Left
• Tank Top | Left
• Cheesy | Left
• Serial Killer | Left
• NICE hair | Left
• SICK | Left
• No | Left
• GROSS| Left
• Terrible Hat | Left

So basically I’m Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and no one is good enough for me. Right? WRONG.

I was on Tinder for all of two weeks and half of the time I was in Rome. No I didn’t meet up with any Italian guys although I did almost succumb to an invitation to ride around town at midnight on a scooter. I didn’t decline because I had safety concerns about getting on a scooter with a stranger I had met on the internet, minutes before, and cruise around a foreign city, in a foreign country in the middle of the night, while no on knew where I was, but more sleep concerns; it was a long day and I was very tired.

I digress. Back to judging people on dating apps. So, how hard am I on girls? Call me Mother Theresa because I’m basically the symbol of love and acceptance. Here’s how it goes:

• Cute | Right
• Love your shirt | Right
• Traveler | Right
• Loves wine, me too girl | Right
• Outdoorsy, she’ll get me on more hikes | Right
• Looks Fun | Right
• Loves her nephew, me too! | Right
• Pretty Hair | Right
• Zumba, never done it, but doesn’t mean I won’t try | Right

Can you believe it? I know, me neither, but I have to say, I’m pleased with the direction in which things are heading. We girls have to stick together. We’re so much more fun, anyway. And although I still only want to sleep next to a big, hairy, stinky man, I sure do like dating you, ladies.

#whoruntheworld

 

 

Take Me to Brunch

Noah Berg Photography

Nighttime drinking is for the birds, or perhaps the baby birds. These days I find my drinking is limited to daytime hours, you know, when the sun is shining. There’s something depressing to me about drinking after the sun has set, but that might only be when I start drinking shortly after it has risen, I’ll have to do some research on that this weekend and get back to you.

It’s known that with age, come horrendous hangovers and the inability to bounce back as easily as in your early twenties. I can’t believe I used to stay out until 4 or 5 in the morning, go home to sleep, wake up at 11 and go to the  mall with girlfriends, searching for a new outfit to wear out that evening, only to go back home, get ready, and toast my roommates with cheap champagne in expensive glasses (passed down by my roomie’s parents), and do it all over again. I used to do this Thursday through Sunday…THURSDAY THROUGH SUNDAY. That is four days in a row and that is dis.gust.ing (I wish I could still do it).

I’m so thankful for brunch, it’s actually a pastime of mine. Some of us like to hike and some us like to drink bottomless mimosas and eat pancakes. To each his own. Luckily I live in a city where brunch is bustling both days of the weekend and throughout the year. What else is a lady without kids to do on a Saturday? Crate & Barrel or brunch? No brainer, friends.

But what if I end up becoming a mom? It’s still acceptable to bring your babes to brunch, right?! I mean they don’t card at the door (wow, I just thought of that) and as long as you take Uber, it’s fine. I’m going to start a car service for parents. I’ll drive an SUV with multiple car-seats for the mom with three kids on her way to meet her lady babes at brunch. I’m such a genius.

One thing to note, for those who are transitioning from baby birds of the night to daytime doves, make sure you’re leaving the stilettos and minis at home and join us for breakfast in your best casual and relaxed attire, not what you woke up in, and we’ll try to spare some bubbles for you. Welcome to the light side.

My favorite brunch spots in Denver:

• A pretty and sophisticated brunch: Beatrice and Woodsley
• Casual, Fun, Delicious: Root Down
• Got Wild Last Night | Getting Wild This Morning Ophelia’s
• Parents in Town (Free Brunch!)  Luciles
• Tinder Date Snooze, Union Station

Tinder date, that’s right. Breakfast is the new dinner and if you have too many mimosas and they come home with you, there’s still enough time to kick them out of your house before it gets dark. You guys, I’m totally kidding, I’m only in it for the free french toast.

Happy brunching, boys and girls.