Being the new girl has its perks…when you’re in seventh grade. Being the new girl, the twenty eight year old new girl, who lives in a new city and works from home, the perks are, well minimal. It’s been a real effort to establish a base network of friends and I’ve been on more blind dates with girls than I have with guys…this is not a joke. So when I was invited, by a new lady friend, to her annual holiday cookie exchange, although I had a million and three things to accomplish before I left for Charleston the next morning, I was not about to decline. Since this is the first time I’ve had to truly put myself out there in the world to make friends, I’ve learned a few things-the rules that apply to dating guys do not apply to dating (friend dating) girls.
New Girl Rule #1: Don’t play hard to get. Every girl and her sorority sisters already have enough friends to fill a mall so if you get an invite, you get yourself pulled together and you go.
They say the key to a guys heart is through his stomach, but if your friends are anything like mine, you know the same applies to girls. My plan of attack was to bring Saint Louis to Denver with a hometown specialty, Gooey Butter Cookies (originally gooey butter cake, but can easily be made into cookies) that would surely win this group of girls over one bite at a time.
That night as I lay in bed thinking about my new girlfriends (yes I would more than likely leave the party with at least nine really close friends) and the happy hour spots where we would meet after work to complain about mountain traffic, the dry air affects on our skin, and the Broncos taking over Sundays, where we would celebrate my birthday in a few months, when we would take our first girlfriends trip to Napa, and…and then I started to panic. One of the reasons I chose gooey butter cookies was yes, because it’s a hometown specialty, but also because they take fifteen minutes to prepare (seri), but I realized that if I, the new girl, showed up with plain yellow cookies while every other girl had beautifully iced sugar cookie cutouts of Santa, snowflakes, and snowmen, I would totally be seen as the girl who put zero effort into her cookies…which I so am not. I half ass nothing (besides a barre class here and there) and go overboard always, which I love because I take pride in my parties, presents, and my home, but hate it because it’s expensive, exhausting, and makes my boyfriend cringe when I suggest having people over.
The next morning while I spent two, not so glorious hours, trying to fix my faulty printer I decided I wasn’t going to the gathering. I was furious with myself for thinking I could show up with stupid yellow cookies that had nothing to do with Christmas, the girls would probably think they were yellow snow or elf vomit cookies. Who shows up to a Christmas party with reindeer pee cookies? Sick.
As I soaked in a bath and sipped my hot chocolate I realized I was on the verge of no showing the only holiday party I was invited to in 2013 and if I wanted to be invited to more than one in 2014, I needed to go.
I went to the grocery store and rummaged the aisles in search of something to make the cookies appear more festive. A tin can with candy canes? A couple of glass ball ornaments to place in the corners? Some poinsettias to set on the tray? I had nothing and I needed to be at the party in exactly one hour including get ready time. As I was on the verge of round two calling it quits, I remember the special Christmas wreaths I grew up making with my nana, they were simple, they were tasty, and they were oh-so cute. I grabbed the ingredients, ran home, and my platter was finished in under twenty minutes. As I walked out the door I was no longer dreading walking into the party as the new girl with yellow cookies, I was excited to show up with my festive platter of Christmas bliss.
Make This Platter If:
You need friends
You can’t bake
You have no time
You have no money
You have a crush on your boss
You feel like you can’t do anything
You lack creativity and your iced sugar cookies look like a tie-dye mess
You are sick of chocolate chip cookies
You like Rice Krispie Treats
You like butter
You need to impress someone
You are a walking Pinterest fail
Your mother in law is a Martha Stewart type
Make cookies as directed, extra butter = extra friends. Make Rice Krispies as directed, except instead of multiple small wreaths, make one large wreath. Once the marshmallows and butter are melted add the green dye and then add the Rice Krispies and mix togther. I used a pizza pan to ensure a proper circle. Once the wreath is dry (5 minutes) place cookies inside and dust with confectioners (powdered) sugar for faux snow. I searched my place high and low for a red ribbon, with no luck. Next year I’ll be better prepared and will arrive to each and every holiday party with my wreath treat in hand which will certainly be adorned with a bright red bow. Cheers!
Merry Christmas. Feliz Navidad. Joyeux Noel. Frohe Weihnachten. Shengdan Jie Kuaile.