No Lifeguard On Duty


I almost died tonight. This is very real and after my brush with death I thought about how long it would take before housekeeping came in and found my body laying in cold water. It was disturbing and I made a vow right then and there that I will never attempt yoga poses while in a bathtub…ever again…especially when alone.

I walked into my hotel room for the first time on Monday and was, for one second, in awe and then suddenly so depressed that I was all alone and had no one to share THE SEXIEST hotel room ever with (Even just a girlfriend!). I opened the door to a completely dark room and when I stepped inside the shades slowly started opening (the ENTIRE wall is floor to ceiling glass overlooking Vegas), dim lights came on and soft music started playing….ummmmm where have I been? Clearly not staying in the hotels where cool people sleep…or don’t sleep. So for the past two days I have been consumed with my uber sexy room….from the foyer, to the bathroom, the bed, and everything in between. Since I am staying here for 12 nights I have started to pretend (I’m really good at it) that this is my condo and I am this totally rich, 25 year old girl that could not be more unaware of the fact that I am living in such fab digs. Each evening after work I get into my huge, egg shaped tub (Pour exactly one bottle of the bath gel they supply) and soak like a goddess. I point my toes in the air and slide all the way in until I am underwater and my back is touching the bottom of the tub (Occasional scissor kicks)….basically I have way too much fun in the bath for a serious career lady of twenty five years.

Today I felt like death (Pretty sure it’s all the recycled air I am breathing in). I decided that I needed to REALLY pamper and relax myself tonight in order to refresh myself for another long day tomorrow. I had the “Music for Lovers” channel playing, the lights down super low, and the water extra hot so I was feeling super limber and loose in my bath and decided to try out this move I saw Lindsey Lohan do in a photo shoot the other day (I watched a video of the shoot online). She was in this yoga looking position where her spine was rounded and her knees touched her forehead and toes were pointed straight ahead (Divers do it off the high dive). So as I was easing into my position, my back slipped down the edge of the tub (Stupid bath gel) and I slid all the way down until my head was completely under the water, I guess I gasped when I went under because bath water rushed into my mouth!!! I got my hands on the bottom of the tub, pushed my head above the water, and spit the water out, coughing, and fighting to catch my precious breath… Obviously no one was there to rush to my side and ask me if I was okay (Which sucked) and so I just sat there… stunned… in silence. I thought of everything that I would never get to see if I had died then and there, my gorgeous husband, my white (or black can’t decide) Range Rover, my children (Names can’t be revealed) , my home in Colorado and my brownstone in the West Village. My heart ached when I imagined never seeing my family or my purses again and I decided then and there that I was not ready to leave the world just yet and I will do whatever it takes to stay safe while on this crazy journey I have just begun.

Lesson Number One Learned on the Road..Never attempt photo shoot/yoga poses while in the water sans photographer or lifeguard.

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