Progress Report for Brittany Twenty Ten

Growing up, I always dreaded the time of the year when parent/teacher conferences took place. For some reason, I always got a lecture when my parents got home. My grades were never the problem, but my socializing was. It was always the same thing, “Brittany is sweet, obedient (for the most part), and an overall good student, but she just talks too much and it is distracting to others”. I’m pretty sure every single one of my teachers, grades 1-5, moved my desk next to theirs at some point during the year. Sorry for being nice! I thought we were taught in pre-school to share, be social, and to communicate with our classmates. Some people were super good at math and science, I was good at socializing, but for some reason, I was the only one being punished! So I have decided that this year I will give myself my own progress report, where socializing is encouraged and if you have to count with your fingers…it is NOT held against you. My report is as follows;

As January comes to an end, I must say that I have been extremely good about working on my resolutions for the new year. I have been a lot more proactive when it comes to the job search, well at least better than I was before. My dad says it should be a full time job in itself, I would say at this point it’s more along the lines of a part time job/volunteer gig, but there is definitely a pulse! As far as dates are concerned, I have turned down a few (still scarred from Burt boy), but when a sexy, smart, guy with long, bad boy hair and an angelic face (aka Kurt Cobain/Jared Leto/Ethan Hawk circa Reality Bites, you get it) comes along…I will most definitely let him wine and dine me. As far as my good judgement….well….that’s still a work in progress. I can however, say that my work on my outer beauty is going really well! (It’s just so much more fun than the others’) I have been flossing every day, went “bad girl” blonde with my locks, currently living off of skinny vanilla lattes, sugar free gum, and beef broth (I’ve given up on dieting the healthy way, heroin chic/waif by summer!), and have been keeping up on my mani/pedies. And guess what? Since I feel better on the outside, I am feeling much better on the inside (Told you it can work both ways). Also, remember my little army of Ole (pronounced Oooo-La as in “Oooo la la look at Brittany’s glowing skin!”) Henriksen products? Well, I will admit, we got started off on the wrong J. Simps heel (Never buy a clear face mask). I was doing really well with my skin regimen and then one day I woke up with FOUR solid, red, zits on my face!!! If I can say one thing, it’s that I never really had to deal with acne or zits (I get ONE thing to brag about, there are literally 137 things I hate about myself other than that). I felt hurt, confused, offended, betrayed! Why was this expensive, allegedly amazing stuff ruining my skin?! The line that JT, who brought sexy back with his clear face, swore by, the line that Charlize (THE face of Dior) said “J’Adore” to?! Well, just as I was about to flush it all down the toilet and go back to my $9 bottle of Aveeno, that has always done me right, I realized what the problem was (and it was not my army taking the other side), just two days before, when I got out of the bath, I generously applied my new blue/black berry enzyme mask (supposed to do wonders for wrinks). It’s a clear mask and you can’t feel it after you put it on (must be good!). Problem with that? You can VERY easily forget that you have the mask on. I put it on at roughly three in the afternoon, went to happy hour, came home a little happier than I expected, went right to bed and did not wash off my mask until my morning soak the next day around 10am. The directions say to leave the mask on for 30 minutes….I left it on for 19 hours. Oopsie. Sorry Ole, for blaming you for my own stupidity. A week and a half later my skin is well on it’s way to happy and healthy. Now if only I could get myself to drink more than one bottle of water every other day, then I really could have the skin of a 14 year old model! (I know, just let me dream) Progress report states (drum roll): Solid A for positivity, enthusiasm, and effort! Probably not what my therapist or parents would give me, buuuut this is my progress report on moi, not theirs!

Brittany Twenty Ten

With the new year in full force I can not tell you just how happy I was to see 09′ go. Although the year did bring some amazing trips and adventures, as it came to an end it sucked as bad as paying full price for a pair of expensive boots and then watching your sister buy them a week later for a third of the price. So I have decided that with the start of a new decade I am going to exfoliate alllll the bad skin off of me (not to be mistaken with the bad girl in me, she stays) and start over as a new woman! First off, I am going to be extremely pro-active in finding a new job. I can not tell you how sick I am of not having a normal routine, a job that challenges me, happy hour (God, I miss HH), and I never thought I would say this…EVER..but a dress code. Yes I, the queen of getting calls from HR regarding my work wardrobe, misses the dress code. Oh, how I do love the challenge of dressing cute and sexy while showing no skin and dealing with the “to the knee” rule (When I reign, there will be no TTK rule). Second, I am focusing on my outer beauty. No I didn’t mean inner and accidently write outer, I am focusing on my outer beauty, if I feel beautiful on the outside, I will feel beautiful on the inside (It can work both ways). I am going to floss more, drink more water and less RBV’s, possibly lighten up the curls, and consume less salt so that my eyes NEVER get puffy (not sure if mine do, but I read today that if you consume less salt, your eyes will be less puffy). I also just armed myself with some new Ole Hendriksen products, so by the time 2011 rolls around my skin is going to resemble that of a 14 year old model (I aim high). Third, I am going to go on more dates. Now the last time I said this, I ended up on a date with a 47 year old man who was a dead ringer for Burt Reynolds and ended up so drunk that I had to drive his car to my house, watch him literally crawl up my stairs on his hands and knees, and let him pass out on my couch (What was I supposed to do?!) The man literally downed three cocktails before we even ordered dinner. He wanted to take me to Annie Gunns, but I didn’t feel comfortable getting on any highway with this man and his moustache, so we settled for Barcelona which was about two miles from my house at the time. That was also a bad idea because I saw three people I knew while we were there. I rushed through the meal so we could get the H out of there and decided we should go to Miso because we could walk there, it was a week night (aka not a large crowd), and it’s dark like a dungeon (perfect if I sit with my back to the crowd in a corner), not so much…I saw more people I knew and then some photographer took a picture of Burt boy and me. That’s when I panicked, took him to a keg party and watched him bong beers with some 20 somethings that worked at McGurks. Clearly, I was on a roll of great ideas. The next morning I was at work and saw an email on my Blackberry from my sister titled “What is this?!?!”. Her ex, while on, found the picture that was taken not 12 hours before and sent it to her and my MOTHER. I had a lot of explaining to do. Lesson learned: Don’t go out on dates with people because you are bored and want free dinner, drinks, or entertainment, because in the end…you will end up paying for it one way or another. Lastly, Brittany twenty ten is going to have much better judgement (I pray for it every night, as do my parents) and even though it’s a lot more fun to lack good judgement, this might be the year that I remove myself from the HMC (hot mess club). Cheers!