Snow Bunny with Extra Fur, Please

I awoke to the sound of my church bells alarm this morning. I should probably change that because I find myself cursing it most mornings and cursing church bells…well that’s just not nice. I’ve heard that you can record your own voice as a daily alarm, I may ask my ex if he would like to do the job…cursing him is right in every way. It immediately felt like one of those mornings when you just want to lay in bed and watch SATC reruns allllll day and text boys until one of them agrees to deliver Bread Co. chicken noodle soup to you bedside. So I was super cozy in my warm bed and I had on the cutest jammies (new J. Crew nighty dress…ADORABLE and sexy in a super preppy, good girl way…not like my other sexies from fellow bad girl, first name Victoria, last name Secret). So I slowly pulled up my eye blinders, pulled off the covers, went to the window and saw that the sky was gray and everything in sight was snow white. Immediately part of me (all of me) was sad that I was not in Colorado at the bottom of a beautiful mountain sipping a Fragile Baby while trying my best to look sexy while bundled in layers of ski apparel. My vision is as follows: Me in tight black, modern cut (Low on the waist, flared at the calf) ski pants (My butt looks super cute and a just a little bit tighter). I have on a matching black ski coat with LOTS of fur around the hood. My hair (Which has tons of blonde highlights in this vision) is in a sassy, messy, little bun on the top of my head. I have Chanel goggles resting on the top of my head (Butterflies at the thought!), and diamonds (Cartier Platinum 1.51 ctw round studs) in my ears. Oh and my lips are nude with LOTS of gloss (Gotta make sure my smile shines through the snow and drift on the top of the mountains). So there it is…that’s my vision. I left my window, put on my slipps, walked to the bathroom in a love sick for the mountains daze and ran a hot bath (That I pretended was a hot tub on the deck of a $12 million condo in Telluride). God, please take me to the mountains…I will be a such a good, good girl and if you throw in the studs, I will forever be your angel. Until then…I sit here in my faux (shhh) fur Forever 21 oversized vest with my black, knee high boots and black leggings. My hair is in a messy, little bun on top of my head and my jewelry…well, I am boasting no Cartier, but feeling some sass none the less.

VBC, How I’ve Missed Thee

Since my last update, which was approximately 11 weeks ago (bad girl!), the following has not occured in my life;

1) A gorgeous surgeon with a slight bad boy edge fell entirely in love with me
2) I was the Sugar Plum Fairy in the Nutcracker
3) I got the Balenciaga Motorcycle bag that I have been dreaming of nightly for almost 4 years
4) I am now writing to you from NYC because I work for Vogue
5) I woke up and my boobs were no longer DD’s, but a small B cup
6) John Mayer wrote a song about me
7) I conquered a double black diamond and looked AH mazing (both outfit and skill wise) while doing it
8) Karl Lagerfeld asked me to be his date to the Costume Institue Gala 2010
9) I am spending NYE La Perla lingerie clad and sipping champagne in a suite at the Ritz Carlton in Paris
10) VBC reached 1,000,000 views

The following has;

1) I got laid…and we are not talking s.e.x. or Hawaii…we’re talking job
2) I took a last minute trip to Minnesota during a snow storm for my great grandmother’s 97th birthday (You go Granny!!)
3) I was a victim of robbery
4) I tracked down my thief in North County and got my stolen possession back! (Sassy Girl 1, Dirty Rotten Thief 0)
5) I was slipped the DRD (Date rape drug, okay this time I really think I was!)
6) I then booked a flight to New York for Cinco while I was still under the influence the next day (SO EXCITED!!! But seriously sad if I were a victim of DRD)
7) I got my first brazilian (I’m a woman now!!)
8) I tried to count to 1,000 one day when I was bored (true story, lost track in the teens)
9) I went to the Nutcracker (Girl’s tradition in my fam and always a GREAT motivator to not eat for a few days after)
10) I posed in a picture with the World’s tallest man!! (So what if he was concrete)

Okay so getting laid off most definitely puts a damper on things, I mean my life is not exactly a replica of the Michael Kors ad I was shooting for, but here is a list of some of the perks;

1) You get to play cute, young, housewife at the grocery store (Put a ring on it and stroll with the other DHW’s)
2) Nail salons are dead (Walk right in and sit down!)
3) Two words; Martini lunch
4) Perfect your housewife skills (Cooking, cleaning, laundry…they don’t teach it in college, sister)
5) Never wait for the tred at the gym (Downside is all the guys are at work, but great if you need to drop some weight before giving the flirty eye while killin’ the cals)
6) Explore the city; museums, parks, neighborhoods (You could become your city’s next ambassador!)
7) Work on your golf game (You can take all the time you need and there won’t be anyone behind you pressuring you to rush)
8) You have time to take up a hobby like painting wine glasses or knitting (Great money saver when giving gifts on a tight budg)
9) It’s much easier to get a last minute appointment (Salons and spas fill up quickest on nights and weekends, Facial on Wednesday at 2:00? Why not?!)
10) No more crowded movie theaters!! (Just you, Edward Cullen, and the dark)

Moral of the story; Just because the Kors ad lifestyle has been put on hold, it does NOT mean that all sassiness is lost, if any at all! Recently my father said to me, “Sweetheart, you are living a champagne lifestyle on a beer budget”, I prefer, Andres budget. Either way, I’m saying ta ta to 2009, grabbing my Bans, and keeping my fingers crossed that twenty ten will be brighter than the rock Elin Woods has coming her way! Happy New Year sassy boys and girls!