Blackberry or Die

Labor Day weekend (aka the start to FALL) came and went. That Saturday was the MU/IL Arch Rival game, it was a beyond amazing day of running into friends, cheering Mizzou on, experiencing Fieldhouse in St. Louis, drinking…and more drinking. The day was AH. MA. ZING. It was 10 times better than I could have imagined. BTW I would just like to say that Mizzou has GREAT school colors (and no I did not go to Mizzou). When your school colors are purple and green, it’s a little hard to look cute at a tailgate, but black and gold…my goodness, the options are endless. All a girl has to do is wear a black cotton dress and black leggings and then pile on the gold jewelry. SO FUN! I think I like to be apart of all the MU ruckus because I love getting creative with the outfit. Anyway, somewhere along the way I broke my beloved Blackberry. The guy at ATT said, “water damage”. I said to him, “Um sir, I was not around any water on Saturday”. He then he looked at me like I had just said that I had impregnated Elizabeth Taylor and said, “liquid damage”. Ahhhhh, that made much more sense.

Decision time: Ironically, just the day before, I was in a very deep, very serious conversation with my sister, her boyfriend, and some others’ about phones. The topic was: Would you EVER make the switch from Blackberry to iPhone? My response, “SICK, NEVER!”. My sister, her boyf and I agreed that we were BBY till we die and iPhones were…well…something we were not nor would ever be interested in. I swore up and down that I would forever be a lover of keys and would never conform to a touch screen. Well let me tell you, when I saw the $400 price tag on the BBY I wanted, it did not take long before I did the unspeakable…yes….buy an iPhone. After my purchase was finalized my sales guy asked me if I wanted him to show me a bit about my new phone, I said, “no, I just want to go home” and walked out with my head down. I am still adjusting and I do at times feel like a sellout, but I secretly, yes, very secretly like it and I tried reallllly hard not to. What’s even worse…I can not, for the LIFE of me, remember my iTunes login or password (RIP my comp), so I have not even started downloading the apps or any songs on it. Moral of the story? I’m going to go with…Don’t speak too soon or Don’t knock it till you try it. At least I admit it.

Beauty Sleep = Beauty Queen

Lately, a lot of my friends and others’ that I know have been complaining of not sleeping well at night, some resorting to sleeping pills (two words: Fat Elvis, Ew). Good sleep should come naturally and let me tell you, sleep is VERY important for your health, not to mention your BEAUTY. I once had a guy at work tell me I look tired all the time (excuse me?!). I have found that if you start to relax yourself a few hours or so before bedtime, you will sleep like an Anne Geddes baby. Here are some of the things that I do every weeknight (non happy hour nights) to relax myself before bed.

1) Make dinner: For me, I enjoy cooking a meal and when you have a hot guy to cook for, well that means double the enjoyment. Cooking is a source of relaxation and a great way to unwind after a long day at work. (When a guy is involved, my sources of relaxation might be slightly altered)

2) After clean up, take a walk. I live in an urban area and there are tons of beautiful homes that I like to look at and try to peek inside of. This is a great time to get your leggings and Ugg slippers on, along with a scarf (items that are banned at the office, but essential for me to put on for at least a little bit every day).

3) Take a hot, bubble bath. This is my NUMBER ONE source of relaxation. Let’s face it, I’m not Blair Waldorf and obvi don’t have Dorota to give me a massage every night so instead of an amazing rub down, I pamper myself with a bubb bath filled with chamomile and lavender oils and other BB products (Target carries their own version of Johnson’s Night Time Lavender Baby Wash for $1.08..RIDIC).

4) MOISTURIZE. I like to think of moisturizing as “sealing the deal”. When you get out of a hot bath and put lotion on your warm, slightly wet body, you are sealing alllll the precious oils, scents, and soaps in your skin. Once again, Target has a versh of Johnson’s Lavender Night Time Baby Lotion for a little over $3.

The best feeling in the world is when you get your jammies on and crawl into your cozzzyyy bed while smelling like a lavender angel. What you do while you are in bed is up to you, because let’s face it, anything you do in bed is going to be relaxing, unless you are bancing (bed dancing, way too nerdy and embarassing to explain). Don’t forget your eye blinders and if you STILL are unable to sleep after this…drink three glasses of wine, which always works for me!

Good Girl Gone Bad

My mother has not approved of the majority of the guys I have dated. Ater meeting them she always warned me, “Brittany, you are playing with fire, do not date this guy”. I tend to go for guys who (as politely as possible), don’t have a lot going on. In her words, “you date guys that you feel sorry for” (awesome). After about 6 months I usually realize she is right and have to break up with them even though I’m head over 6 inch heels. It’s devestating and I have accepted that I am a masochist. Going to New York was the same. I knew when I left for the city that I was, “playing with fire”. I started out intrigued, decided to dip my toes in the water, and got burned…bad. I was the sweet, naive girl and NYC had heartbreaker written all over it and just like most good girls that get a taste of something new and exciting, have decided to make it my goal to find my way back…for a very extended stay? Perhaps!

BATC, Brittany and the City

In just 15 hours I will be leaving on a jet plane heading east with a celebratory mimosa (or screwdriver, this plane won’t be carrying champagne) in hand. I will be heading for the city that doesn’t sleep and I have a strong feeling that New York and I are going to fall hopelessly in love. For the record, I plan on falling in love in the fall, getting married in the fall, and having babies in the fall….in that order…I hope. I am secretly hoping that I miss my flight home, not because I had too many mims at brunch, but because I am kissing the man of my dreams next to an old bridge, surrounded by the colorful leaves of Central Park…one foot in the air of course.

Enchanté de vous connaître

1. I am really good at convincing people to let me cut their hair, even though I have no clue what I am doing.

2. In college I had a fake id business and people would come to my dorm window, which was located on the ground level, and I would chalk id’s for 5 dollars.

3. When I was living in LA and only knew one person who worked all day, I befriended a homeless man named Howard who I hung out with on the promenade for about a week straight.

4. My family used to own two horses. I rode English and jumped.

5. I was on the Blue Man Group tour bus and they asked me to go to Albuquerque with them.

6. I started a book club for sassy girls, SLBC!

7. I love browning meat and chopping anything in the kitchen.

8. When I was a child, I took first place in the diving competition 5 years in a row at camp and never took a diving lesson.

9. No one can make me laugh like my sister. We can laugh for days.

10. I know every single word to “Doin’ it” by LL Cool J.

11. I take bubble baths every night.

12. Everyone in my family was either Prom Queen or King…except for me.

13. My first attempt at Karaoke was when I was seven years old at Tokyo Steakhouse. I sang “I’m a little teapot”.

14. Every time I go to church, I cry.

15. I always think I see famous people. This year alone, I thought I saw Dennis Quaid at Nordstrom, Eric Clapton in the VIP area at Harry’s, and Bill Clinton in the produce section at the Clayton Schnucks.

16. Every night, including in the dead of the winter, I sleep with two fans on, one right next to my face and the fan on my ceiling…full blast.

17. If I had to choose between being a princess or a queen, I would be a princess.

18. The best feeling ever is when I get out of the bath and get my lotion and pajamas on and climb into my bed.

19. I could not survive in a world of clutter. Everything in my life needs to be clean, tidy, and organized in order for me to function properly.

20. I have called 911 about 10 times in my life, four times in the past two years.

21. I sincerely believe there is goodness inside of everyone and that sometimes you have to help show people where it is.

22. I much prefer a dark, cool day over a hot, sunny one.

23. Once when I was four years old I was roller skating down a street in my neighborhood, my sister who was on her bike, passed me up and I got so mad that I skated as fast as I could, head first, right into a big wooden fence.

24. If I could wear leggings every single day, I would.

25. My imagination is my best friend and my worst enemy.

No Words

So I had to work last night until 8PM. It was really hard going into work on a Sunday, a dreary, rainy one at that. I don’t need to say it, but I will again… I LOVE fall Sundays, the cooler and darker, the better. So when I got off work all I wanted to do was go to Square One Brewery, a block from my house, have a beer, the absolute best pot roast EVER and watch the baseball game. I called a friend of mine and he agreed to meet me there. We walked in and sat at a booth in the bar and ordered our drinks. It was beyond cozy and exactly what I was looking for. I had just taken a sip of my cold bev and as I looked up, who I saw next literally made my heart stop beating and my body go numb. I don’t know what happened, some force entered my body and without thinking I just got up (while my friend was in the middle of a sentence), left the booth, and went outside to the patio. I wasn’t sure if it was him, but I just stood there staring right at him and then he turned and looked into my eyes and said “wassssuuupppp boo boo.” IT WAS HIM. It was the courtroom creeper. I put this on the authenticy of my handbags. He acted really weird like he was going to get in trouble if he was seen talking to me (maybe he had a jealous girlfriend watching from a distance)…he whispered, “I get off at nine, can I see you then?”, I told him I was there with my boyfriend (so not true) and could not meet him, but just wanted to say hello. I have NO clue why I followed him outside and I have NO clue why I said hello, I can already hear my mother lecturing me. All I can say was it shocked me and I had no control over my body. I’ve never done any hallucinogenic drugs, but I think it’s safe to say I had an out of body experience.

There is Nothing Sassy About JD

Long story as short as poss: I recieved a jury summons in the mail about a month and a half or two months ago. I recently moved because I had a roommate who preferred not to pay her rent, lost my summons sheet, had it dawn on me exactly 31 hours before I was to appear at the courthouse that I had jury duty, had to call my boss and tell her that I not only forgot to tell her that I would not be at work on Monday because I, like the responsible adult that I am, forgot I was serving, but also that I had no idea where I was serving. Somehow (word vom) this lead to me admitting to her that I also have not had a valid driver’s license since December (yes, 9 months ago). Needless to say, it was a humbling conversation. So Monday morning I was up at 7 so that I could shower and call various courts to find out where I was serving. I called the county and they transfered me to federal and then lastly I called city, ding ding ding. (I don’t even live in the city…I guess I messed up on that too). So I walk in an hour late (I hate late people) and have to tell them that I don’t have my sheet. They found my name and told me to go upstairs to the jury waiting room. OMG, it was like walking into the crowded caf on your first day in a new school where you know NO ONE (yes I have faced it and yes as a senior I sat with a table of fresh who OBVIOUSLY had not heard about my arrival bc they wouldn’t even look at me) So obvi everyone (like 200 people) stared at me and not one person smiled, because let’s face it, we weren’t at happy hour, we were sitting at the city courthouse about to get paid $12 for an entire days work (isn’t that illegal?). So basically the first day was nothing worth sharing. I sat in a room from 9-3:30 and read a book from start to finish. Let me just say, it is quite eye opening when you are removed from your social “bubble” and placed with a group of randomly selected people. You are no longer surrounded by the people who eat at the same resturaunts, go to the same bars, and shop at the same stores as you. I didn’t realize the general population is so…slobby.

Day 2: So I woke up early and got ready for my big day in court. I was ready to be a serious jury woman and definitely had to look the part; polished, conservative, with a hint of sexy (just like Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny). I stopped and got a latte before heading to court and was early for trial (I needed a little time to mentally prepare). My number was called shortly after I arrived and after listening to a brief explanation of the rules and how the day would go, I was lead to the courtroom with a group of about 60 other potential jurors. Right when I walked in I saw the lawyers and the defendant already seated. I made sure to sit as close as possible to the defendant so I could get a good look at him and really feel out the sitch. Right when I saw him I felt a jab in my tummy and my gut screamed “GUILTY”. I had to remind myself that the law says you are “innocent until proven guilty”, and as a member of the jury I had to honor this young man his rights as a citizen. The bailiff called twelve people to sit in the jury box, I was a little confused as to why I was not one of the twelve, but was quickly relieved when my number was called to sit in one of six wooden chairs next to the prosecutor, the rest had to sit on the spectator benches. I did NOT go to trial to be a spectator and figured I was called to sit up front because they had seen me and had a feeling I was going to make the final twelve. The judge came in and court had officially started. The prosecutor then started asking the group questions. Let me just tell you…people like to talk and they like to share their experiences. The prosecutor told us that this trial had to do with the defendant being charged with first degree robbery and criminal intent. He then went on to ask us questions relating to our experiences with robbery, criminals, our experience with the law etc. for the next 8 hours. It was pretty easy for one to figure out very shortly that you only needed to raise your hand and share your story if you thought that your experience was going to have an affect on your ability to fairly make a decision regarding the defendant. Well…people NEVER figured that out, that or they just did not care and wanted everyone to hear their stories. For instance, when asked if anyone has ever been robbed or had someone close to them be a victim of robbery a woman raised her hand and felt the need to share with the court that her neighbor’s car was broken into SEVENTEEN years ago. He then asked her what he asked EVERY SINGLE person that shared a story, “now do you think that the robbery that occured is going to affect your ability to fairly make a decision?” She said no. If your answer is no then you are obviously sharing for NO REASON other than you like your voice or you want people to look at you. That’s it. Next question. Does anyone in this courtroom know another person in here or related to someone in here? A woman in the back raises her hand and says that she has SEEN another woman in the courtroom before (huh??). The prosecutor asks her to eplain. She says that she has been in a store off north Kingshighway and thinks she recognizes the woman from being in there before. On this one, I sighed as loudly as I could, shifted dramatically in my chair, and then looked around the court with my “is this woman effing serious” look. Next question. Is anyone in this room in contact with someone in prison? A woman raises her hand and says that a few years ago she recieved a call from her friend that was in jail because she got a DWI. I literally stopped breathing. On top of this irritation, the man who was sitting in front of me had a bar code tattooed on the back of his neck and underneath it said F*CK YOU. I can not tell you how much it bugged me. I decided that the tattoo should be illegal, because why should a nice, innocent girl like me have to sit and look at such an offensive thing?! I wanted so badly to dig my red fingernail right into it, but I knew I had to contain myself in a court of law. Then there was the guy next to me. He was a black guy who was probably 27 years of age. When asked if anyone in the courtroom had been convicted of a felony he was the only one who raised his hand. Great. You know when you can tell someone is trying to make eye contact with you, like everytime you move your eyes you can see them pressing for you to look into their eyes? Well this guy could have made a living doing it and I’m 97% sure that when he recieved his summons he misread “jury booty” for “jury duty”. He started whispering creep nothings into my ear…”washur name girl?”, “you gotta man?”, “you got pretty eyes”, “is that your wedding ring” (um I hope not it’s fake turqouise from Forever!), “damnnnnnn (heavy, creepy sigh) you sexy”, “you got pretty feet”, I wrote all of these down in my Urban Outfitter notebook that was SUPPOSED to be for trial notes. Also, this guy had the worst breath EVER and he clearly did not learn to take note of body language because I could not have been leaning further from him. At one point, I swear he was talking to my back. After breaking for lunch he said, “Girl you smell so goood”, it really took a lot not to say “Sir, I can not reciprocate the compliment”. It was so bad that on my break I ran home and grabbed my purple scarf and sprayed a quarter bottle of Vera Wang Princess on it so whenever he talked to me after that I pressed my nose and mouth into it, he still did not get it. The rest of the afternoon went by just the same as the morning, more ridiculous stories and more creep nothings from my jury neighb. Finally at 6 PM they came to a decision…I was not one of the chosen 12. I think it was because they saw me as too informed and a bit of a threat to the case. I was glad to get out of there and back to my normal life with normal (kind of) people. I was ready to never, ever see the courtroom creeper again. For all you out there that have not been called, jury duty is not glamorous or fun. It is a wake up call and a reminder for you to stay in your social bubble. Never. Leave. It.